Day 11: The Feelings I Never Said Out Loud

19.11.2025 Wednesday 🔆

Sometimes I wonder… am I the only one who feels this way?

Before all this, I always did everything alone. No one knew what I was doing, what I explored, or what I experienced. I never told any friends, never shared any details. I just kept everything inside my own little world.

And honestly…

I liked the excitement.

That strange rush, that moment when something unexpected happened — it felt like a secret thrill only I knew. But at the same time, I also felt weird about myself. Like… why am I the type who enjoys this? Why do I keep doing it? Why do I never talk about it with anyone?

Maybe I was scared people would judge me.

Maybe I didn’t want anyone to think I’m strange.

Or maybe… I just wanted something that belonged only to me.

So I ended up doing what felt easiest — I kept everything silent and private. I didn’t tell anyone, not a single soul. I only shared little pieces through short videos on Twitter, just for fun. Nothing serious. Just posting and moving on. No explanation, no context.

It was like my way of expressing what I couldn’t say with words.

Looking back now, I realise how long I’ve been holding these feelings alone. The excitement, the confusion, the guilt, the curiosity… all mixed together. But somehow, sharing it here — even just through writing — feels lighter.

Maybe this is the first time I’m actually being honest with myself.